I currently date a gentleman who has a successful business
and enough money to support not only his hard-working employees,
but his own lifestyle of buying what he wants. Unfortunately, he
has countless people who call him their friend, continually
borrow money from him, and rarely pay him back. Because he knows
what it’s like to not have money, he rarely ever says “no” to
anyone who asks.
How does one get folks to understand
that he has always worked so very hard for his money (and still
does!), that it doesn’t just fall off the “money tree”, and that
they DO need to pay it back?
Ruth in Wisconsin
These deadbeats, moochers, and freeloaders
might lack character, but they’re not your problem. Your
boyfriend is. Like most enablers, he has a good heart and wants
to help people. He just needs to redefine “help”. Loaning money
to a friend is always a bad idea because it changes the dynamics
of the relationship. The Bible says the borrower is slave to the
lender. The result is that you’ll either lose the friend, or
Thanks for your question.
- Glenn in Nashville, TN
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the red Ask Glenn button to submit a question. You may
remain anonymous if your prefer.
If a Hollywood producer made a TV
show about your extended family, which would it look more like?
A. The Real Housewives of Dysfunction City
perfect family like the one in “It’s a Wonderful Life”
you answered “B”, delete this because it’s not for you.
While most people don’t have the guts to say it out loud, the
thing a LOT of people are most thankful for at Thanksgiving is
when it’s over.
We all have at least one of those people
Rick Warren described in The Purpose Driven Life as EGR (“Extra
Grace Required) in the family. You know who I'm talking about.
The butt head brother-in-law who can't stop talking about
himself. Or the trashy sister who reveals way too much
information about her personal life.
described these people as “an*l-expulsive”. They tend to be
reckless and defiant.
All of us are like this as infants.
Infants give in to urges whenever and wherever they
occur because they haven’t yet learned discipline or
Learning to control our urges until the
appropriate time and place is part of growing up. Most of us
learn to control our basic biological urges somewhere around the
second year of life.
We develop a functional vocabulary
a few years later, and learn when to speak and when to keep
quiet next. Hormones rage when we hit puberty, and we develop
se*ual urges that we must learn to control.
Most of us
have a fast enough metabolism that we can eat pretty much
whatever we want in our teens.
Next we start our careers
and begin earning a decent income in our twenties. Most of us
spend our twenties getting into debt and gaining weight, and our
thirties trying to undo the damage.
are forced to deal with a lack of self-discipline in eating when
they become morbidly obese and experience health problems.
They’re forced to deal with out-of-control spending when their
debt eats up their paychecks. They’re forced to deal with
failure to control their se*ual urges when they encounter an
The one thing many adults never
learn to control is their mouths.
Have you ever noticed
how a married couple will lie to each other, while children
speak the brutal truth? A man might lie to his wife when she
asks if an outfit makes her look fat. A woman might lie to her
husband when he asks if she still finds him as handsome since he
Because we expect mature adults to be
tactfully truthful but not brutally honest, we tell what
sociologists call “lies of compassion”.
But kids don’t
consider the consequences of blurting out whatever they’re
thinking. I know a woman who once asked her seven year old if a
dress made her look fat, and he responded “Yeah Mamma, you look
like a freight train. Don’t wear that in public”.
"Honesty is the Best Policy" doesn’t mean we have to be brutally
honest. There’s a proper time, place, and way to say things, and
it's not always whenever we feel like saying it.
To Your Success,
you have to put up with people like this over the holidays,
psychologists advise looking at them like the sun. Limit your
exposure and you won’t get burned.
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