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Thanksgiving with The Real Housewives of Dysfunction City

 

by Glenn Shepard
November 10, 2015
Category:  Management

   



Frankfort, KY Nov 12
Clifton Park, NY Nov 19
Kingston, NY Nov 20
Hamilton, OH Dec 2
Amarillo, TX Dec 8
Odessa, TX Dec 10
San Angelo, TX Dec 11
Paducah, KY Dec 15
Click the link above for any date, or click here to email us.

Dear Glenn,

I currently date a gentleman who has a successful business and enough money to support not only his hard-working employees, but his own lifestyle of buying what he wants. Unfortunately, he has countless people who call him their friend, continually borrow money from him, and rarely pay him back. Because he knows what it’s like to not have money, he rarely ever says “no” to anyone who asks.

How does one get folks to understand that he has always worked so very hard for his money (and still does!), that it doesn’t just fall off the “money tree”, and that they DO need to pay it back?

Ruth in Wisconsin

Dear Ruth,

These deadbeats, moochers, and freeloaders might lack character, but they’re not your problem. Your boyfriend is. Like most enablers, he has a good heart and wants to help people. He just needs to redefine “help”. Loaning money to a friend is always a bad idea because it changes the dynamics of the relationship. The Bible says the borrower is slave to the lender. The result is that you’ll either lose the friend, or lose money.

   Thanks for your question.

- Glenn in Nashville, TN

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If a Hollywood producer made a TV show about your extended family, which would it look more like?

A. The Real Housewives of Dysfunction City

B. A perfect family like the one in “It’s a Wonderful Life”

If you answered “B”, delete this because it’s not for you.

While most people don’t have the guts to say it out loud, the thing a LOT of people are most thankful for at Thanksgiving is when it’s over.

We all have at least one of those people Rick Warren described in The Purpose Driven Life as EGR (“Extra Grace Required) in the family. You know who I'm talking about.

The butt head brother-in-law who can't stop talking about himself. Or the trashy sister who reveals way too much information about her personal life.

Sigmund Freud described these people as “an*l-expulsive”. They tend to be reckless and defiant.

All of us are like this as infants.

Infants give in to urges whenever and wherever they occur because they haven’t yet learned discipline or self-control.

Learning to control our urges until the appropriate time and place is part of growing up. Most of us learn to control our basic biological urges somewhere around the second year of life.

We develop a functional vocabulary a few years later, and learn when to speak and when to keep quiet next. Hormones rage when we hit puberty, and we develop se*ual urges that we must learn to control.

Most of us have a fast enough metabolism that we can eat pretty much whatever we want in our teens.

Next we start our careers and begin earning a decent income in our twenties. Most of us spend our twenties getting into debt and gaining weight, and our thirties trying to undo the damage.

Eventually, people are forced to deal with a lack of self-discipline in eating when they become morbidly obese and experience health problems. They’re forced to deal with out-of-control spending when their debt eats up their paychecks. They’re forced to deal with failure to control their se*ual urges when they encounter an unplanned pregnancy.

The one thing many adults never learn to control is their mouths.

Have you ever noticed how a married couple will lie to each other, while children speak the brutal truth? A man might lie to his wife when she asks if an outfit makes her look fat. A woman might lie to her husband when he asks if she still finds him as handsome since he went bald.

Because we expect mature adults to be tactfully truthful but not brutally honest, we tell what sociologists call “lies of compassion”.

But kids don’t consider the consequences of blurting out whatever they’re thinking. I know a woman who once asked her seven year old if a dress made her look fat, and he responded “Yeah Mamma, you look like a freight train. Don’t wear that in public”.

"Honesty is the Best Policy" doesn’t mean we have to be brutally honest. There’s a proper time, place, and way to say things, and it's not always whenever we feel like saying it.

To Your Success,




P.S. If you have to put up with people like this over the holidays, psychologists advise looking at them like the sun. Limit your exposure and you won’t get burned.


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