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Why People Who Monopolize Conversations Have Lower Self Esteem – and Die Younger


by Glenn Shepard
September 13, 2016
Category:  Management



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Ask Glenn

Dear Glenn,

     I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor and am getting started presenting workshops on various counseling topics. What advice can you give as far as getting this thing off the ground at the local, state, and in the future national level? We are
interested in eventually writing a few books. Discussing this with other counselors who are already presenting workshops is difficult whereas they appear to want to protect their own interests if you know what I mean.

Gary in Georgia

Dear Gary,

     Regarding your book, I’ll give you the same piece of advice I got from actor and writer John Larroquette when I started – “Those who can write, write. Those who can’t, talk about it”.
     I’ve written 6 books, 6 video programs, over 300 audio CD’s (as part of my Priority Club), and over 500 articles which have been published in this newsletter and numerous other online and offline publications. And I hate writing. I only do it because it’s an occupational necessity to feed my speaking business.
     The world’s largest business book publisher published my last three books. They only allow 4 months to turn in a 60,000 word manuscript, so your work is clearly cut out for you. But because there are no such deadlines when you self-publish, make yourself a promise to never again tell anyone you’re thinking about writing a book because years will go by and it won’t happen.
     Regarding the marketing, read “The Ultimate Marketing Plan” by Dan Kennedy.
     Thanks for your question and good luck with your new business.

- Glenn in Nashville, TN

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After giving the keynote speech at a conference in Ft. Lauderdale last week, I had dinner with the attendees. Just as each of the six people sitting at my table introduced themselves and were settling into one on one conversations, something incredibly rude happened.

Another attendee joined us late, interrupted everyone, and completely dominated the conversation throughout the entire dinner – mostly trying to impress everyone with how brilliant he was. No one else could get a word in edgewise.

The woman sitting next to me was what they call my “Handler” in the speaking business, and she was clearly embarrassed and very annoyed. She tried to interrupt the Annoying Conversation Dominator (ACD), but she was no match for him.

As I was waiting for an Uber car to take me to the airport the next morning, she came up and apologized for her “unprofessional and immature colleague”.

She then confessed that while she found him obnoxious, there was a secret part of her that wished she could be confident and secure enough to be a “Buttinsky” like him.

But she was dead wrong.

ACD’s who hijack conversations like that are not strong and confident people.

In fact, this is an indicator of how weak and insecure they are.

ACD’s have been around for as long as mankind has existed, and have always had one underlying (though obviously unspoken) message – “Look at me! I’m like a 4 year old child who has to be the center of attention all the time and hasn’t yet learned how to share”.

People with high self-esteem don’t need to be the center of attention all the time, because they don’t need constant validation from other people to feel good about themselves. They don’t feel threatened or jealous when other people are the center of attention, because they’re so confident.

ACD’s are exactly opposite.

Because they have such low SELF esteem, they constantly seek validation from OTHERS, just as a vampire constantly needs fresh blood.

ACD’s might come off as assertive and even appear slightly impressive with their ability to carry an entire conversation by themselves, but they’re actually pathetic, needy, dependent people who can’t be secure in themselves.

To Your Success,

P.S. This behavior can even turn deadly. A study by Duke University Medical Center reported “Men who monopolize conversations, interrupt others and excessively compete for attention have a higher rate of early death (60% more likely than all the other subjects to die of any cause) than men who have a more relaxed approach to communicating”.

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